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Commucating With My Parents

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communicating with my parents: How can I communicate better with my parents?–Angel Eyes, 15, CA


Shayna Answers:


Dear Angel Eyes,
Regardless of what happened to create your communication problems with your parents, you need to make yourself available to talk to them.
You may not have realized this, but if you barricade yourself in your room, use your iPod to tune out your parents, or spend as much time outside the house as possible, you’re sending the message: “I don’t want to talk to you.”
First, you need to let your parents know by your actions that you want to communicate better with them. This means subjecting yourself to possibly boring or annoying situations with your family. However, in the coming years you will realize more and more that getting to know our families is as important as bonding with our friends. When you get home from school or are taking breaks from doing homework, resist the urge to sign onto Instant Messenger or text message your friends. Instead, find your parents and start small conversations with them. It can be something as simple as, “So, I have a biology exam coming up.”
It doesn’t really matter what you say to your parents. It’s more important to start communicating face-to-face with them. If your parents aren’t used to you hanging around them, at first they’ll probably be shocked that you’re talking to them. Most likely, though, they’ll start talking with you about whatever line of conversation you’ve started.
Also, pay attention to your body language when you talk to your parents. As humans we feed off the behavior and tone of others. It’s important to maintain eye contact not just when you’re talking to your parents, but when you’re talking to anyone. We all get nervous, especially when we have something important to say. Looking a person in the eye shows that we’re being serious and truthful.
Everyone communicates based on their emotions. So even if your parents are critical and accusatory with you, you’re going to need to be even- tempered and consistent in your dialogue with them.
If things are already so bad that you can’t have a civil conversation with your parents if you tried, write them a letter explaining your feelings and your desire to communicate better. Most important, apologize to them.
It’s possible that the blame for this siutation lies entirely with your parents. Maybe they really don’t listen to you, or they fail to make time for you. By being the first to apologize, though, you give them the opportunity to let go of any hurt or distrust that may be influencing their interaction with you.
Initiating communication with your parents is definitely going to be a humbling experience, but I commend you for taking the first step. Even though our parents share the responsibility in effectively communicating with us, Exodus 20 commands us to honor our father and mother. We are as accountable to God as our parents are for our relationship.
When you make an effort to communicate better with your parents, most likely your parents will positively respond to you. Even if they don’t, when you do your part to honor them, you’re honoring God, too.

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