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Everyone's Having Sex But Me


I’m 15 and it seems like everyone around me—not just popular kids or jocks—is having sex. I want to save myself for marriage, but I’m afraid I’m not normal.—Concerned, 15, NY

Shayna Answers:

Dear Concerned,

There’s nothing wrong with you! You’re completely normal! Most girls, whether or not they are Seventh-day Adventist, have struggled with this exact situation. Having survived age 15 (and all the way to age 25) without having sex, I can promise you that there is nothing wrong with you.

I’m more concerned that everyone around you doesn’t realize that there’s something wrong with them! Your teenage years are an important time for personal and spiritual development, and you shouldn’t be focused on having sex—especially just to fit in.

I know that our society has become so perverse that it feels like there’s something wrong with you, but 1 Peter 2:9 warns us that as Christians we should be “peculiar people” in the world (KJV). And John 15:19 tells us not to be “of the world” (KJV). Part of being a Christian is being different and being OK with that.

The best Biblical example I can give you for your situation is from the story of Joseph. When he was about our age, he was living in a culture where idolatry and promiscuity were not only normal but encouraged.

Genesis 39:6 says that Joseph was “well-built and handsome.” One day his boss’s wife basically threw herself at him and demanded: “Come to bed with me!” (Genesis 39:7).

Joseph’s response? “How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9).

Joseph cared only about what God thought, and that’s all we should care about, too.

I know it’s difficult to stand up for your body and beliefs. Yet Romans 8:31 reminds us that “if God is for us, who can be against us?” So no matter how many stupid movies, such as Wedding Crashers or The 40-year-old Virgin, portray virginity as a marker of abnormality or failure, they’re wrong. (Yes, I am straight-out telling you that these movies are stupid. Do not waste your money at Blockbuster. You will thank me later.)

In staying true to your body and beliefs, surround yourself with friends who share your commitment to integrity before marriage. Stay accountable to one another. Also, talk to your parents about how you’re feeling, and I’m certain they will support you.

The most important part of being able to combat peer pressure is developing and maintaining a support system. It will also help remind you that you are normal, even when it doesn’t feel that way!

Deceiving us into compromising our bodies is one of the easiest ways for the devil to use us. Remember that making compromises can also have adverse effects later on. So don’t be afraid of standing up for yourself and honoring God.

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