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Best Friend is Lying (Part 2)


Part 2óI think my best friend is lying to me about something, but Iím not sure. Iíve prayed about it, and Iíve asked God to show me if she is lying. Iíve confronted her a few times, and she keeps assuring me that sheís telling the truth, but what sheís saying is so unbelievable. What should I do?óReally Confused, 14, NY

Shayna Answers:

Dear Really Confused,

If your friend has lied to you, it’s natural to be angry about it. But before you do anything, ask the Holy Spirit to give you patience in this situation. John 13:35 says one thing that will identify you as Jesus’ disciple is “if you love one another.”

The reason it’s important to remember John 13:35 is so you can let go of the negative emotions you may be feeling. Otherwise, even if you want to forgive your friend, you may find yourself bound in disappointment and disgust instead.

Talk to your friend about what happened. Sometimes we discover that fear of rejection, embarrassment, or insecurity can drive people we love to lie to us, and their intention may not be to hurt or to deceive us.

Start the conversation calmly with a nonaccusative tone. Remind your friend how valuable his or her friendship is to you, then simply ask what happened. You may be surprised at what you hear—you may even receive an apology for what happened. If this occurs, it’ll be easier to start the forgiveness process.

However, you may not receive an apology. Or worse, you may find out that your friend is not even really sorry. Be aware of this so that if it happens this way, you aren’t crushed during the conversation.

In some cases it may not be possible or safe to try to talk to your friend. If this is your case, you can still pray for your friend and for resolution of the situation. After all, 1 Peter 4:8 says: “Love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Also, James 5:16 says: “The prayer of a righteous man [or woman] is powerful and effective.” After praying for your friend, if you aren’t able to talk to your friend, write him or her a letter in your journal to release your feelings.

Matthew 18 records Peter asking Jesus how many times he has to forgive someone who has wronged him. Jesus reminds him—and all of us—that we’re supposed to forgive “seventy-seven times” (verse 22). To help you do this, throw away small mementos, notes, and pictures that you think might tempt you to hold onto feelings of bitterness and anger.

Whether or not your friend’s actions were intentional, remember that if you haven’t disappointed your friend yet, at some point in some relationship, you’ll hurt someone. Jeremiah 17:9 says that the heart is “deceitful above all things” and Romans 3:23 says that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

To have healthy relationships, each of us has to struggle to stay humble and be compassionate toward those who hurt us. The forgiveness process isn’t easy, but we owe forgiveness to those who’ve hurt us, because God first loved us while we were still sinning (Romans 5:8).

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