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I’m not “in her league,” but she can “still be nice to me.” I don’t know what to do.


There’s this one girl who says I’m not “in her league,” but that she can “still be nice to me.” I don’t know what to do.—Nice Guy, 14, NE

Shayna Answers:

Dear Nice Guy,

The first thing you should do is realize that you deserve better treatment. I know this sounds harsher than most things I say, but people who openly declare that they are superior to you are generally people you should avoid pursuing relationships with.
Before we talk about what you should do to properly handle this situation, let’s talk about what you should be looking for in a significant other years from now, since the editors of Insight encourage readers to wait to date at least until college.
Philippians 2:3 and 1 Corinthians 10:24 tell us that we should put the needs and concerns of others above our own. Ephesians 4:29 tells us to build each other up by what we say. And 1 Corinthians 13:5 calls this being selfless or “not self-seeking,” according to my Bible.
It concerns me that this girl would openly tell you that she believes that you are not “in her league.” It sounds as if she lacks humility and isn’t concerned about putting anyone else’s needs above her own.
This out-of-my-league idea is usually reinforced by other people’s opinions. Even if she does like you as a friend, if her friends believe that you aren’t good enough for her, she’ll probably continue to base her actions on their opinions—not her own judgment or the Holy Spirit’s leading.
Keep in mind that while it’s important for you to have a support system of people you can trust to guide you in the right direction, it’s equally possible that following your friends’ poor advice could prove detrimental later on.
Remember that 1 Corinthians 15:33 says: “Do not be misled, ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” And Proverbs 12:26 entreats us to be “cautious in friendship.” Good friends should always encourage us to seek the good in others and not to consider ourselves better than anyone else. So continue to be this girl’s friend, but be aware of her feelings and prejudices.
As you get older, your priorities for a relationship and what you value in a significant other will change. Usually people stop basing their decisions so much on what other people think, and place more value on a significant other’s relationship with God, their family values, and how they treat others.
As your friend gets older, she’ll probably realize that categorizing people based on aesthetics or social status denies her the opportunity to have friendships—maybe even relationships—with some great guys. Truly successful relationships are based and built on God, with people who also recognize God’s importance in all human relationships.

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