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Part 2: Can you become pure again . . .


Part 2: Can you become pure again if you’ve already had sex multiple times and even gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage?—Anonymous, NC

Shayna Answers:

Dear Anonymous,

Last week we said it is possible to become pure again. How? Genuinely confess your sins to God (1 John 1:9), ask Jesus to give you new desires (2 Corinthians 5:17), and exercise a commitment to purity in future relationships, as Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery (John 8:11). This week we’ll talk about how to recover from your miscarriage.

Losing a child, whether or not you feel like you were ready to have one, is traumatic. Your body experiences physical and emotional, changes during a pregnancy. After you’ve mentally prepared for a birth that never happens, you may feel lethargic, angry, or depressed.

The first thing you need to do, if you haven’t already done so, is see an obstetrician. It’s necessary to find out if you’ve actually had a miscarriage and to make sure that you do not have a serious medical condition.

If you don’t have an obstetrician, talk to your parents. Together you can call Planned Parenthood at 1-800-230-PLAN to locate one, or your parents can call their insurance company to obtain a list of providers.

Even after you get the physical support for your body to recover, you will need emotional support. Often people tell teenage mothers things such as, “It was for the better” or “Thank God His will was done!” Some people will feel entitled to judge you, but God reminds us that all of us have sinned and fallen short of His glory (Romans 3:23).

God hates sin, but He definitely doesn’t intentionally inflict hurt or pain on us. Psalm 34:18 says: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV).* Forgive yourself for everything that has happened, because God already has.

Experiencing grief is a normal part of loss. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sadness, anger, or even that no one understands what you are going through. Your feelings are completely valid. Even if it’s just online, it’s important to find a miscarriage grief support group and to talk about what happened. The adage that “if you ignore it, it will go away” just isn’t true.

It will take time to get through the pain from this loss, and you may want to find a Christian counselor to help you recover spiritually. If you need help finding one, your parents’ insurance provider or your city health department can help you. You can also talk to your parents, a teacher, or a youth pastor for support as well.

Finally, just because you didn’t give birth to a baby doesn’t mean that you didn’t get a taste of parenthood. It will be one of the most emotional, trying, and sacrificial experiences you will have in your life.

Remember this as part of your purity pact: God designed babies to be a part of a marriage for a reason. Wait to have children until you have the emotional and spiritual support that you need from marriage. Children may still be a part of your future, just allow God to work out the circumstances first.

*Texts credited to NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

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