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Iím gay. What should I do?


Iím gay. What should I do?óScared, 16, NC

Shayna Answers:

Dear Scared,

The first thing you should do is pray about whom you should talk to about this. God’s answers to our prayers give us amazing clarity about our decisions. Here are my suggestions: if you are able to, talk to your parents. If you can’t talk to your parents about this, then talk to your youth pastor or a counselor or teacher that you trust.

As you pray, ask God to help you break down your feelings and understand them. The reason you should tell someone how you’re feeling is because it’s important not to bottle up your feelings—even though you’re uncertain if they are “right” or “acceptable.” Our feelings are important indicators of deeper issues that we’re struggling with. In this case, keeping your stress to yourself may actually make the situation worse.

After praying about it and finding someone to talk to, start by talking about how you feel. If you’re worried that you’re going to be judged or rejected, say so. You can say, for example, “Mom, I’ve wanted to ask you about something for a little while now, but I was afraid to come to you. Can we talk about how I feel?”

Asking your parents for their attention will communicate to them that you are serious about the situation and are actively seeking their advice. They will also be less likely to react as severely if you prepare them for the nature of the conversation by saying something such as, “It’s kind of important.”

After you share your feelings with your parents, they may ask you to talk to a pastor or even to go to counseling. Although their suggestions may seem offensive, it’s important to consider the benefits of being able to talk about your issues. You may even find that instead of being condemned in Christian counseling, you’re offered support and options for dealing with your feelings. You must approach the situation with an open mind, though, for it to be beneficial.

Maybe you are struggling with acting on your feelings. This temptation itself is not a sin, but acting on it is (Leviticus 18:22). This means you may have to physically remove yourself from familiar situations and negative influences in your life in order to overcome temptation. After all, 1 Corinthians 15:33 says that “bad company corrupts good character” (NIV).*

James 1:14, 15 explains that “each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin.” Remember, though, that 1 Corinthians 10:13 says that God will never give us more than we can handle. More important, He will provide for us a way out of temptation.

You may be feeling ashamed or upset because you are having gay feelings. Everyone struggles with sin and temptation. Just because another person doesn’t have homosexual feelings doesn’t make them better than you or entitled to judge you. Romans 3:23 says: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (NIV). We all need the grace offered to us in Jesus Christ.

John 3:16 says: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (NIV). Believe in Jesus as God's Son sent to save you. Believe that He can get you through anything, including your current situation.

*Texts credited to NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version.  Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

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