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What do you do when your guy is too serious?


What do you do when your guy is too serious?—Friendly Chick, 16, ID

Shayna Answers:

Dear Friendly Chick,

In Insight we always encourage readers to approach dating soberly and not to date until they are ready to do so seriously, usually when they’re in college or older. So, at 16, I think your concern with your boyfriend getting too serious is completely founded.

The next few years are important for pursuing your personal, spiritual, and academic goals. You may want to go away to college, go on an overseas mission trip, or try a new extracurricular interest. In serious relationships your needs and desires have to be compromised with your significant other’s. For most teenagers the strain and sacrifice that results from the time, energy, and commitment needed for serious relationships is a lot to handle—usually too much. In fact, young adults these days are tending to wait longer to get in engaged and married, until after they finish college or graduate school.

You should talk to your boyfriend to find out why he’s getting so serious. Is one of you leaving to go to academy or college? Is your boyfriend jealous or worried that you’ll break up with him? Is your boyfriend older than you are and ready for marriage? Try to determine why your boyfriend wants to become more serious, then talk about how to handle the situation.

Matthew 18:15 says the best way to handle difficult situations in our relationships is to talk about them one on one. Choose a neutral meeting place, such as a café, park, or restaurant, and ask your boyfriend to meet you there. First listen to what he has to say. Then share your feelings with him assertively and clearly. If you already know the reasons why you don’t want the relationship to get serious, you can make some mental notes or even jot down a few of the things in advance that you want to tell him.

Remember that in the New International Version of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4 says that love is patient. Verse 5 says that love is not self-seeking. Even if your boyfriend really wants to become engaged or married, if he really loves you, he will take the time to consider how his decision will change both of your lives. Something to keep in mind is that God rarely works in our relationships by revealing His will to one person and not the other.

Hopefully, your boyfriend will understand your desires and be able to compromise by waiting. If he can’t, you can ask your parents or youth pastor to talk with you both and offer their advice. Be prepared, however, that if your boyfriend is adamant about making the relationship more serious, you may need to break up.

Don’t be afraid to break up, especially if you’re certain that God is not leading you to marry this person (which should be way off in the future anyway). According to Jeremiah 29:11, God has a positive future in mind for you, but maybe getting serious with this person is not in it.

Whatever decision you make, make sure you both are praying together and choosing to honor God by what you do.

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