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Is it weird to like a guy thatís four years older than you, even if you donít date until college?


Thereís this guy thatís four years older than me. Iím 16, and heís 20. I really like him, but I donít date. So just for future reference, is it weird to like a guy thatís four years older than you, even if you donít date until college?óOnline, 16

Shayna Answers:

Dear Online Reader,

No, it’s not weird to develop feelings for someone who’s older than you. Older men can often seem attractive because they’re more mature, more independent, or just different than the other guys you know. There’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these qualities.

However, as a teenager, you’re growing into your maturity and indepence—you’re at a different place in life. This is why a serious relationship with someone at a different place in life probably wouldn’t work now.

As we get older, our priorities in life change. What seems attractive in the opposite sex now—pretty eyes, a good smile, being popular—will change many times before we get married, ideally after college.

When you’re older and you’re looking for a serious relationship, you ought to start valuing other qualities, such as spirituality, ambition, and family values.
A guy who is four years older than you are right now may already be looking for some of these qualities. He may be thinking about getting married and starting a family.

At this point in your life, perhaps you’re hoping to do mission work, study abroad, or earn your college degree before getting married or having children. These are great goals—ones you don’t want to compromise by settling down too soon.

Because older guys should be off limits to teenagers, sometimes this can make the possibility of pursing a relationship even more intriguing. The problem is, when we become enamored with someone and want to impress them, we’re more willing to make compromises and decisions based on pleasing the other person and not God.

Making compromises to fit into an older guy’s life may result in you crossing physical boundaries that you’ve set for yourself or compromising personal goals that you have. These choices usually result in regret and disappointment.

You do mention that you’re asking “just for future reference.” There’s nothing wrong with asking questions about future relationships, but you shouldn’t make future plans around this guy. I mean, don’t end up idealizing him in your mind for the next two years, secretly hoping that you can hold out until then to start dating him.

When you’re in your 20s, probably you’ll be thinking about settling down, and likely you’ll feel more confident about having accomplished your personal goals. At that time a four-year age difference won’t be as significant as it is now.

As for now, Philippians 4:6 says to “be anxious for nothing,” because everything has a time and season (Ecclesiastes 3:1). God knows the plans He has for your life—including sending the right person to you at exactly the right time (see Jeremiah 29:11-13).

At this point in your life, focus on falling in love with the most important Guy you’ll ever have in your life—God.

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