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Why is it that parents say they trust you, yet they give you a curfew when you’re out with friends that they know?


Why is it that parents say they trust you, yet they give you a curfew when you’re out with friends that they know?—Curfew Confused, PA

Tiffany Answers:

Dear Curfew Confused,

Because your parents have raised you, they know best who you are and what makes you tick. If you’ve demonstrated to them that you’re a trustworthy individual, rest assured they are well aware of this. If you ever doubt your parents’ confidence in you, just listen to how they brag about you to their friends and family.

For years I thought all my hard work in school and angelic, model-citizen behavior in the classroom went unnoticed by my parents. It wasn’t until we went to visit the out-of-state relatives that I heard my mother bragging about me to her sister. Then I realized that my parents were well acquainted with my

I would dare say that a curfew has little to do with whether or not they trust you and a whole lot more to do with the lack of trust they have for the people in the world around you. You could be the most trustworthy teen on the planet, but that doesn’t stop you from being subject to the influences and situations that the world serves up.

Your parents have lived through more experiences than you have. With each experience they have learned a lesson about how the world operates and how to make wise choices. With this wisdom, they may see certain things about a situation that you cannot simply because you don’t have enough experience yet. Because of this knowledge, they are a bit more programmed to think worse-case scenario and act on it when they put limits on you.

You also have to accept that your parents are not your friends. You may have a great relationship with them, confide in them, and even have fun with them. However, the nature of the relationship with you parents differs greatly from the relationship you have with your casual friends.

Proverbs 22:6 commands your parents to: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Your parents have a God-ordained task to develop a strong foundation in you so that you can become the fantastic and wonderful person you’re destined to be.

Because of this, they may make some rules for you that are not necessarily “cool” with you. Your parents can’t be cool with you all the time if they are going to do their job effectively. Always respect your parents, remembering what their role is in your life and your God-given duty as a child to “honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12).

If you have questions, the best way to find out where your parents are coming from is to sit down and talk with them. Do this in a respectful manner and at an appropriate time. Right after they’ve told you that you have a curfew that evening or during a heated debate are probably not the best times to ask why.

Find the right time and have a chat with your parents. Let them tell you where they are coming from without feeling the need to be defensive, and then share with them calmly and rationally what your thoughts are and what prompts you to ask. Talking things out allows both sides to truly know what the other is thinking and helps to avoid any false assumptions.

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