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Committed to Not Dating

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What would you do if you met somebody that you really, really liked but both of you had committed to not dating? Iím only 15, so Iím not sure what Iím supposed to do. Heís the sweetest guy Iíve ever met. óMmm, online


Tiffany Answers:

 Dear Mmm,


The first thing that you need to contemplate is the driving forces that led you to commit to not dating. I have to admit that it’s a little hard to see exactly where you’re coming from without knowing all of the ins and outs of your commitment.
 
Was it a spiritual reason? Perhaps God impressed you that dating was not for you at this time. Was it made because of your age? Maybe your parents told you that you couldn’t date until a certain age. Regardless, the commitment you made not to date was made for a very specific reason. Contemplate and pray about whether or not the reason is still valid and important to you. Sit down and talk to your parents and/or other trusted adults about your commitment.
 
After all of this, you may find that your commitment not to date is still very sound. If that’s the case, then sticking to your guns about your decision will be the best for you ultimately. Too often I’ve learned from different experiences in life that going against what is important only ends up leaving me feeling remorseful about my decision.
 
I fully acknowledge that I could be wrong here, but the tone of your question gives me the impression that you are seeing your dating or not dating this guy as an all-or-nothing situation, almost as if you feel like this is your “one and only” that you might be letting slip away here. But at 15, you still have a ton of experiences to live and a lot of people to meet, who’ll be coming in and out of your life.
 
Some of the most crucial, life-altering events that are going to shape who you will be as a person are yet to come. I say all of this to emphasize that it’s too early in your life to feel that not dating this guy is going to mean you’ve stepped away from your one true love. 
 
From your description he sounds like a nice guy. Just because you decide not to date him now doesn’t mean he can’t stay in your life as a friend. Friendship with a guy is highly underrated. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: sometimes you get to know someone a lot better as a person when you take the girlfriend/boyfriend pressure off and just focus on pure friendship.
 
Also, when you’re younger, it allows you the freedom to experience the things God has in store for you without the burden of going through a painful breakup or the worry of how to make a relationship you’ve outgrown “work” just because you’ve put too much emotional energy into it to walk away.
 
When it’s time for you to seriously contemplate finding the potential “one,” believe me, God can help you pull candidates from your past, present, and future. But the key is allowing yourself the freedom to be open to what He has for you.
 


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