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How can I overcome my fear of talking to girls?


I like girls but canít ask them out because Iím afraid. Thereís a girl who liked me before, but I didnít ask her out. She then went out with someone else. I want to ask her out now while I have the chance. So how can I overcome my fear? óJake, online

Tiffany Answers:

Dear Jake,
I know that sometimes we girls can seem very intimidating. We can go through emotional highs and lows from time to time. We tend to hang out in packs, making it hard to ask one of us something personal without having the embarrassment of an audience. Oh, and don’t forget that perplexing question that guys have to deal with: “What exactly is a girl looking for?”

I can’t solve those challenges for you, but I can tell you this. If you approach a girl with honesty, sincerity, and kindness, you’re more likely to get a positive response. Even if her answer is no, an approach such as this increases the chance of it being a kind no that you don’t need to fear.

Having a healthy amount of self-confidence is something that will help you, so let’s focus on that. Realize that we are “fearfully and wonderfully” made by an awesome Creator whose works are “marvelous” (Psalm 139:14). In other words, God doesn’t create junk! You are a special individual to Him, designed by purpose and plan. This  gives you good reason to hold your head high. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying to be conceited. But I am saying that since you’re a “one of a kind” to our heavenly Father, remember that and be assured by it on those occasions when a girl says no.

If a girl does say no, just bear in mind that the world will keep on spinning, time will keep on ticking, and you’ll remain the same wonderful person that you were before you asked her for a date. In your mind, don’t make it an “all or nothing” deal.

Remember, if you pray about this and trust in the Lord, He’ll lead you to a girl who’s going to appreciate you for who you are. If a girl turns you down, don’t worry. Just rest assured that she’s not the one for you.

It might be a good plan for you to increase your comfort level around girls in general before you start asking for dates and trying to have a girlfriend. I don’t know what age you are, but it would definitely be wise to spend time observing how the opposite gender behaves before starting to date. It’s often best to wait until after high school before you begin seriously dating. Why? Dating requires a level of understanding and maturity that most teens haven’t yet achieved.

Try some of the following suggestions to become more comfortable around girls.

In one of your classes, try talking to a girl about an upcoming assignment, or ask a question about something you’ve discussed recently in class (but not during the actual class). Perhaps at a school or church social, try to get some girls and guys together to play some fun games, such as Trivial Pursuit, Taboo, Scattergories, etc. Join different activities at school that will give you a chance to interact more with girls, such as choir, band, drama team, various clubs. Make a conscious effort to form friendships with girls as well as guys. The more you spend time with those of the opposite gender, the more comfortable you’ll feel interacting with them.

While you’re getting to know more about what girls are like, also take time to develop yourself into the person that God intends for you to be. Discover who you are as a person. When you’re comfortable with you, it’s a lot easier to find out what kind of girl you’d get along with best and be happiest with. Again, follow God’s leading.

When the time comes to actually approach a girl to ask her out, take a breath, relax, and be yourself. Either it’ll work or it won’t, but there’s no reason to stress about the result, whichever way it goes.

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