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Can I just date first, before God sends "the one" for me?


Iím a nice girl, about to enter college, and I have never had a boyfriend. All the guys I talk to just want to talk. They donít want to get to know me. I am tired of this, and I am also tired of people (adults and my friends) telling me Iíll meet a guy in due time. Sometimes I feel God just wants me to wait for that one guy who will be the one that I marry. But I just want to date so that I can see what I like and donít like in a guy. óNice Girl, online

Tiffany Answers:

Dear Nice Girl,
I know hearing adults and friends say you will find someone in due time can be a bit frustrating and repetitive, but it doesn’t negate the fact that it is very
much a valid point. Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us there is a season or a time appointed for everything. God will bring things to our lives when we are capable of handling them. It’s part of God’s perfect timing. As much as the idea of having a boyfriend in your life seems so enticing, if you obtain one when you’re not ready for one, it can lead to regret and sometimes huge regret.

Like you, I found myself at the age of 18 headed to college never having had a boyfriend. You’d actually be surprised how many of “us” there are. In fact, leaving the complicated entanglements of romantic relationships alone in high school is actually a beneficial thing. It allows you to blossom as a person and freedom to move in the directions God would have you to move in.

Here you stand on the edge of a completely new chapter in life. You have the ability to shape your future into what God would have it to be, determine your life’s calling, and meet all types of wonderful people! Don’t hinder yourself from enjoying this time in your life by obsessing over what you do not have (i.e., a boyfriend). Make the most of all the wonderful things you have
ahead of you. (I feel the need to add a disclaimer here to qualify that I am talking about enjoying the positive, godly-characterbuilding aspects of college life. I’m just saying . . . keep it kosher.)

Not saying that you, personally, are at this point yet, but you want to be cautious that your quest to have a boyfriend is not so strong that it forces you to settle for anything. In listening to the opinions of some of my male friends through the years, I’ve come to learn that guys can tell when a girl is, for lack of a more euphemistic word, desperate. Sometimes less-than-savory
individuals prey upon the emotions of such people. The flip side of this is that a lot of guys find themselves drawn and attracted to self-assured women—women who enjoy life and whose life’s happiness isn’t determined by the presence of a boyfriend.

How do you develop that “comfort in your own skin”? Ah, remember me mentioning earlier that singleness allows you to blossom and about making
the most of the opportunities ahead of you in college? Those things enable you to grow into a mature, confident young woman, someone who is going to attract the right type of gentleman and someone who can make wise
decisions about the type of guy she wants to spend time with.

You can get to know what you do and do not want in a guy by the friendships you have with males. Develop a circle of friends that includes girls and guys alike. Let’s say that you end up dating only your future husband. Really, if that was according to God’s design, is that a bad thing? I mean, that would be awesome! You would have found happiness in finding a God-appointed mate without all the drama and heartache of past relationships. That’s a blessing. Remember the words of Philippians 4:6: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”

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