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I just donít want to get married. Is there something wrong with me?


I have strict beliefs about saving myself for marriage, but Iím not sure that I even want to get married. Iím definitely attracted to guys . . . I just donít want to get married. Is there something wrong with me?óJudy, 15, NY.

Tiffany Answers:

Dear Judy,

Deciding to wait until marriage before you become sexually intimate certainly is in sync with what God would have for you. It’s wonderful that you have made that commitment to yourself and to God.

If I understand your question correctly, I think I hear your quandary: you know that you’re attracted to guys and believe that saving yourself for marriage is the right thing to do, but you don’t want to get married. So what do you do with all that “attraction” you have for the opposite gender if you decide not to get married?

First of all, realize that your feelings are your mind’s way of coping with and processing information, so I encourage you not to rush to make a final decision about marriage yet. However, there are many people who haven’t gotten married and have lived perfectly fulfilling lives.

One such person was the apostle Paul, and he did much to bring others to Christ. Mother Teresa devoted her life as a single woman to caring for the poor of India, and she lived a very rich life. It’s very important for you to realize that both of these people chose to remain unmarried because they felt led to this decision, and it  worked for them.

However, even the apostle Paul acknowledged that not everyone can handle being single (1 Corinthians 7:8, 9).

Out of curiosity, what is influencing your decision not to get married? To come to such a firm and resolute decision in your teenage years makes me wonder if maybe the marriages you have been exposed to have left a bad taste in your mouth. After all, it would be hard to be optimistic about sharing your life with someone if all around you you’ve seen people get hurt by the very ones who made vows to cherish them.

With a staggering divorce rate today, it makes many wonder if marriage even works anymore. Sometimes people who’ve been through bad marriage experiences have no second thoughts about sharing their negative views on marriage. Perhaps you’ve been on the listening end of such conversations.
Though the idea of marriage seems to have gotten a bad rep in recent years, do realize that marriage was instituted by God in the Garden of Eden for good, even sacred, purposes. It’s important to realize that though there are some horror stories about marriage out there, there are also stories about people who’ve had or are experiencing wonderful marriages.

Every marriage comes with challenges, but how you respond to those challenges makes a difference. Inviting the Lord to have His way in your marriage makes a huge difference in its success.
Give your decision some time. You still have many years to ponder God’s path for you concerning a spouse. Glean advice from people who are or who have been married that can give you an unbiased viewpoint on marriage. Most important, allow God to guide you to the right decision (Proverbs 3:5, 6).

Later in life you may very well find God leading you to a single life. Realize that if God leads you down this path, He’s going to give you the strength to endure it while remaining true to your commitments to Him.

But at the same time, don’t be too quick to dismiss the blessing the Lord may have for you in meeting the love of your life someday. The key is to allow yourself to be open to God’s path for you.

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