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I want to transfer to an Adventist school across town, but I don’t want my boyfriend to be upset. Should I go?


I want to transfer to an Adventist school across town, but I don’t want my boyfriend to be upset with me or to be tempted by his ex-girlfriend, who will still be attending my old school. Should I go?—Help! 14.

Tiffany Answers:

Dear Help,

Before getting to the main question, let’s focus on your decision and motivation to go to an Adventist school. While I don’t know your exact reasons for wanting to transfer, if you feel that attending that particular school would give you the opportunity to grow as a person or would enhance your walk with Christ, these are noble reasons for pursuing it.

The only thing that should sway you into staying at your current school is knowing that God wants you to stay where you are. Whenever you face any important, life-impacting decision, spend time praying and talking to your heavenly Father about it.

Proverbs 16:9 says: “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Whatever plans we may have, if we submit our wills to God He will give us clues to know whether we are heading in the right direction. It doesn’t matter if this issue is the main topic of prayer for a day, for a week, or for a month. Keep asking God to give you clarity about what you should do.

Enhance your decision-making process by creating a list of pros and cons. Talk to godly, wise individuals about the decision you’re facing. If, after doing these things, you still feel compelled to change schools and you find yourself becoming more excited about the prospect, by all means, maybe you should “go for it.” If you feel that nagging, uneasy pit in your stomach after serious contemplation, then maybe changing schools isn’t the best choice for you right now.

Let God’s plan and His will for you be your guide. The worry of an upset or potentially cheating boyfriend should not be a primary concern. I know that when talking about someone you really care about, this statement may seem cold or callous—but let me explain.

First of all, I need to point out to you that the editors of Insight want to encourage all readers to wait to date or to have romantic relationships until they are in college or are older. While keeping that point in mind, I realize that when we care about someone, we take his/her feelings into account about many things. However, the pendulum should swing both ways.

Just as you care and want what’s  best for your boyfriend, your boyfriend should care and want what’s best for you. And if you truly feel your life will be bettered by going to the other school, he should truly want what is going to be good for you in the long run, though he might miss your regular, everyday presence.

Now, if your relationship is still at a surface level, and these deep, self-sacrificing feelings aren’t  really there, then ask yourself: Is such a surface, casual relationship worth basing a life-altering decision on?

The fact that you’re concerned that your boyfriend may run into the arms of another when you’re not around is a red flag. Has he done something in the past to demonstrate a wavering commitment to you or that has caused you not to trust him? If so, then you need to do some serious self-reflection as to whether this is the relationship God wants you to be in (whether or not you stay at your current school).

If you’re just making assumptions about your boyfriend’s character, talk the situation over with him to see where his true feelings lie. He may surprise you by encouraging you to do what’s best for you, and he may even assure you that you have nothing to worry about with the ex.

Ultimately, go where God leads you. When you do this, you cannot imagine what blessings God has in store for you, which may include a secure relationship down the road. Maybe God wants you to let go of your current relationship and get closer to Him.

 After all, “we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His
purpose” (Romans 8:28).

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