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I think my boyfriend is gay, but another friend said he isnít. So I really donít know. Please help!

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I think my boyfriend is gay, but I donít know for sure. One of his friends told me he was, but another friend said he isnít. I was with him one day, and he was in the mirror taking longer to comb his hair than I do. So I really donít know. Please help! óUnequally Yoked.


Tiffany Answers:

Dear Unequally Yoked,

First of all, relax and stay levelheaded. While the issue, if true, would be problematic for your relationship, you don’t know if it is true. Third-party opinions cannot be considered absolute authority. Quite often they are based on few “facts.” And, unfortunately, sometimes others’ opinions are motivated by malicious reasons. Also, the time he spends on his hair cannot be used as a gauge of his sexual orientation; it’s just a style preference. So what you are left with is pure speculation, which is never a good compass to base your decisions on. It’s time to employ some good old-fashioned discernment and to really get to the heart of this relationship.

I suggest you go back to the basics of what makes your male suitor a winner. Does he yield to God’s guidance and direction in his life? If so, he is more apt to know when to let go of the relationship if there are things he’s dealing with that may make the relationship problematic. Does he respect you and care about you? If he does, he won’t be as apt to continue down a path that could hurt you in the end. Has he been honest with you in other situations? If that’s the case, he is more likely to be honest with you in regard to this.

Because all you have is speculation, sometimes it’s better to go to the source. Consider talking to him about this. If you do, be very careful not to accuse him of anything. You could say, “I thought you should know that one of your friends told me you are gay. Why do you think he’s telling me this?” Don’t be surprised if he gets a little upset, and he may want to know if you believe it. Stay calm. State that you don’t take what other people say as always the truth, but you wanted to know why one of his friends would say such a thing. Eventually, even if it’s in another follow-up conversation, he should be able to answer you. If he cannot, or he cannot handle this conversation without throwing a tantrum, it’s a good sign that he’s not mature enough to be in a relationship, regardless of his sexual orientation.

Above all, I cannot express enough how much you need to go to God in prayer. Our all-knowing Father can show us things that we cannot begin to imagine. He’ll direct you to the right time to ask your boyfriend about this issue, if that’s the right path to take. Even if you don’t ask your boyfriend, God will give you clues as to whether or not this relationship is for you. I will say this: the fact that this has troubled you to the point of writing may be a pretty good indicator that you have doubts about this relationship, and you should perhaps step back from it.



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