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How do you know if a guy likes you for your body or not?


How do you know if a guy likes you for your body or not? My ex even admitted he liked me for my body, but he now has a new girlfriend. He really seems to like her for who she is. Whatís going on?óBrianna

Tiffany Answers:

Dear Brianna,

Our skin, eyes, hair, figures, etc., are all wonderful things, but they’re things we inherited through genetics. They’re not a gauge of who we are inside: our personalities, characters, values, and goals. These are the things that really make you uniquely you. If you feel that someone is with you purely for a physical reason, that’s a relationship you want to get out of ASAP!

Why? If someone wants to date you because of the outer you and is completely disregarding your inner character, how much do they really know or appreciate the whole you? And if the whole you isn’t appreciated, it’s very easy for the whole you to be disrespected. It’s also very easy for you to be replaced when the next hot and smoking thing comes along. And if your physical traits are the main things the person is attracted to, it’s very easy for that relationship to get physical quickly, and you may find yourself pressured to do sexual things that are completely wrong for a Christian to do outside of marriage!

Here’s what’s supposed to happen.

When you’re spiritually, emotionally, and mentally mature enough, you form long-lasting, healthy relationships under God’s guidance. You develop a mutual appreciation and respect for all aspects of the other person. While physical attraction will be present between the two of you, it’s the inner character of each that will form that solid bond between the two. That’s why it’s not a good idea to seek a serious relationship until you’re older. When you’re growing and developing emotionally, trying to find out who you are as a person and what you value is hard enough to do without adding the pressure of trying to figure out what you want in a boyfriend or girlfriend.

It may be flattering to hear words such as “beautiful,” “fine,” “sexy,” and “hot.” But if you aren’t also hearing statements such as “I enjoy talking to you,” “You’re such an kind person,” “Tell me what you think of this”—phrases that reflect on your inner person—then you may want to reexamine how much value this person really places on you.

Need another hint that someone is just interested in you physically? How much time are you two engaged in physical contact? If most of the time you spend with this person involves kissing, intense cuddling, and groping, how in the world are you two getting to know each other’s interests, views, and personalities? How can you appreciate things about each other that you don’t even take the time to find out about?

Girls and guys both have personal responsibility in this area. If you don’t want to be viewed as a physical object, take provocative pictures off of your social networking profile. Guys, if you don’t want girls to be overly focused on your “hotness,” maybe putting on a shirt next time you play basketball will help the girls focus on the inner you instead of your bulging biceps. Girls, that skintight, low-cut dress that falls a few inches above the knee may be the latest fashion, but it’s making the guys who sit next to you in class dizzy. Help the brothers out and give them at least a chance to see beyond your figure.

Now, some people are just going to be physically driven even if you’re wearing the bulkiest, longest flour sack you can imagine, but at least do your part to take their focus off the purely physical. Another important thing to do is remind yourself and the person you’re dating of what 1 Samuel 16:7 says: “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

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