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Is it OK for me as a guy to try looking hot or attractive to girls?

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Is it OK for me as a guy to try looking hot or attractive to girls? If so, what do girls look for? Iíve been questioning my confidence.óJust Curious, 15. Iím attracted to so many girls in my class. I want to look attractive but donít want to give the impression that Iím a player or that Iím awkward. Some days I want to go to a tableful of girls, but Iím not confident enough. What do I do?óStuck in the Middle, 15.


Tiffany Answers:

Dear Just Curious and Stuck in the Middle,

This is a question more common than you may think. A few years ago a movie came out that portrayed the tale of an individual who was hired by shy, unassuming men to help them “land” the girl of their dreams. The irony is that once this woman expert encountered his own dream girl, all of his smoothness, charisma, and expertise flew right out the window! Take heart! You are not alone in your trepidation toward the opposite gender. As a further testament to this, both of you, as two separate individuals, asked our column the same question!

OK, yes, confidence is something that takes you miles when dealing with women.

You can be wearing the craziest looking outfit or have the most awkward haircut, but if you carry it with confidence, one would think you’re rocking the next great style. Now, confidence is something that is acquired when a person is comfortable and assured being “in their own skin” and by knowing who they are as a person and accepting that person. As 15-year-old gentlemen, you are in the stages of still getting to know who you are and what things are important to you, not to mention dealing with the cruel and unusual punishment your body puts you through in transforming into a man (awkward growing stages, acne, etc.). It’s all a lot to handle. All of this is to say, do not feel bad if you don’t have the super-suave confidence thing down to an exact science yet. But know that the more you grow and develop, the more potential you have to grow and develop in this area.

My Bible tells me that we are made in the image of God and are fearfully and wonderfully made (Genesis 1:26, 27; Psalm 139:14). That’s reason enough to feel good about oneself. We are God’s own, to be cherished and appreciated. Develop and shape your relationship with God. When you take the time to develop this relationship, He will show you who He intends for you to be as a person and what makes you “uniquely you.” This will help you come to appreciate yourself and, more importantly, who you belong to.

Also, I know that the world around us would have you think that the only thing important to a teenager is finding the love of his or her life, and your burgeoning hormones tend to sometimes make you agree. However, there are so many great and wonderful things to be explored in this time of your life. Get out there and find out what hobbies and activities you enjoy. Join groups with others of like interests. Get involved in your church. If you don’t have a youth leader or organized youth activities, join together with other youths in your church and plan some outings. Things like these help you grow as an individual and enhance your social skills, which, in turn, (you guessed it) helps you in developing your confidence. 

Don’t be in too much of a rush to woo and pursue. Allow yourself the time to develop into the individual God has intended for you to become first! I’m praying for you!



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